if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm really busy with my period
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