I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
