and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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