Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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