the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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