you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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