i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
