Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
