Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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