so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
