I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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