I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
