PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
