This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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