maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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