Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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