I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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