Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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