Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
