No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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