when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
