she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
