can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
