I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize