That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I licked your asshole in confidence.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
