Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will pee on everything he values.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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