Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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