he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
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