I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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