So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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