As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
