Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
