we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize