my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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