You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
