I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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