accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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