Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
