She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
