you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
