Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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