Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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