Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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