Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
