3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need a burrito and a hug.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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