AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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