Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
