Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
