so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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