am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
