The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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