Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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