Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
