I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
