you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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