thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
