I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
