they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
