happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
